Have you ever wondered why the scent of men’s cologne is so much stronger than most woman’s perfume? Could it be because men are just naturally stinkier than us woman or perhaps it’s because they wish to skip on having to take a shower? Both of these answers have much truth in them yet I believe that there could possibly be a deeper reason. By nature, we as humans are self-centered and find it quite difficult to see the needs of those in our lives, even when we care deeply for them. As women, I believe that we may fall victim to this default even more so than our counterparts. This is not to say that men do not fall under this category as well, for they most definitely do. By nature, we as women wish to be cared for and loved to a deeper degree than most men do. For this reason, I believe that we all to often allow our own wishes to be cared for and seen, blind us from seeing the needs of our man. Perhaps this is the true reasoning behind such strongly scented cologne; to catch the attention of us woman. So ladies, let’s wake up and smell the cologne, shall we.
In her book, For Women Only, Shaunti Feldhahn reveals the deepest desires of a man’s heart. This list of 7 intimate longings are direct quotes from men themselves and a few of them might just surprise you.
First, Respect. When asked which they would rather have, men, choose respect over love nearly every time. Now to us women, this may feel like a stab through the heart. That our man would rather be respected than loved paints a picture in our minds of our husbands choosing us in a bowing position over us being in his arms. Yet nothing could be farther from the truth. To a man, respect and love are one in the same. Respecting your man does not mean you bring your own self-worth low, it simply means showing him how much he is worth to you. If your man feels as if you disrespect him or see him as inferior, then he will feel unloved. You have the power to build your man up by how you treat him and speak to him. By simply not questioning his judgment on every little thing, by believing in his ability to accomplish the task laid before him, never allowing yourself to criticize through harsh comments, and most certainly never ever under any condition allow yourself to run him down in public. These are all ways that you can show respect to your husband. Yet perhaps the greatest way to show your love is choosing to trust him no matter what may come, even if everyone around you seems to say you shouldn’t. Always assume the best of your man. Be the woman who stands by her man.
Secondly, build him up. Just as I stated in the above paragraph, you have the power to build your man up by how you treat him and speak to him. Your man feels as if every day he must face a world that for the most part believes he will fail and is waiting for him to do so. Often he feels completely alone in a battle for his life. Though every other person around may be against him, you have the power to strengthen your husband to the point that he feels untouchable. As long as he knows that you believe in him and that no matter what, you are by his side, your husband can take on the world. Yet with this power you possess as his loving wife, you also have the ability to destroy him. If he feels that you do not believe in him and see him as inadequate, then you will crush him and drive him to find his encouragement elsewhere. Behind every good man is a woman who believes in him.
Third, your man needs to provide. It is programmed into every living man to go out and provide for those he loves. If you take this form him or believe that he is unable to accomplish this task, then you are stealing his ability to feel like a man. If a man is not caring for his family because his wife has taken the responsibility or because she is constantly nagging him and he, therefore, sees no chance of him ever being enough; he will wither into a lesser of a man because to his way of thinking, that is exactly what he is. There is nothing wrong with a woman working. Read Prov 31; she worked! But the job of being the main provider for the family is a task that not only should be fulfilled by the man of the house but also one that he greatly needs.
Fourth, sex. Being a single woman, I can not give any personal insight in this matter, unlike the previous areas in which I have seen through relationships with my male friends. However, though I have not experienced this myself, I have seen the before and after effects. By fulfilling this need for your man you offer him two priceless gifts. The first is of desire. Your husbands long for you to desire him in this way. Knowing that he turns you on and that you long to be with him, just you and him, makes him feel worth more than anything else you could say or do for him. The second is that it gives him confidence in every other area of his life. A man who feels complete and loved by his wife will have an unquenchable drive and confidence to take on any obstacle life throws at him. Sex is so much more than physical intercourse. It is true intimacy.
Fith, how he sees the world. We as women must understand that we see the world much differently than men do. They see everything. Meaning they are extremely visual. This mean, hold on women is about to get uncomfortable. This means they see every woman. This is a constant fight within every man to control his thoughts and it is a fight that we can help him win. First, we must understand them. Once we see that this is not his way of searching out a better product, making us feel unwanted and inferior to every other woman that walks by, then we can actually see that he is not searching but is simply seeing. A woman who becomes angry at her husband is not helping him with his struggle; she is making it worse. Once we understand, we must distract. Your husband is fighting to keep his mind on you, so help him. By letting him know that he is desired and respected by you and by showing that through your words and actions, then you are giving him no reason to wonder. This is not to say that he will never look at another woman again. Remember, this is a fight within him. Yet just as with every obstacle in your lives together, you are there to help him through this life and be by his side.
Sixth, romance. If you have had any kind of interaction with guys you will know that romance is not their strong suit. In fact, most guys will admit that they feel very nervous and clumsy when it comes to their attempts at showing their love. With this said, lots of times a man’s fear of messing up in this area will keep him from trying, but this doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to. Every man in love wants to sweep his woman off her feet and have her fall madly in love with him over and over again. Here is where we can help. Women, we need to recognize the little things, the smallest attempts, and cherish even the mess ups. When your man does step out of his comfort zone and takes a chance on looking like a fool, we need to let him know that it means the world to us. Even if he feels like a clown to the whole world, as long as we show that in our eyes he’s a Romeo, he will do whatever it takes to be our romantic man.
Finally, number seven. What you think about…… yourself. This is a huge one. Our men want us to care about ourselves and to show that. Now, I am not by means saying that he expects you to be a size 3 and wear bikinis everywhere you go. What it means is having confidence in yourself and showing that through every aspect of your life. Just as the things that we say have the power to build our husband’s confidence, showing our own self-confidence also builds his own. Having a wife that brings him pride will give your husband the greatest bragging right ever given to man. And what wife doesn’t want her husband to brag on her.
With these seven tools to better understanding our men, we woman can not only get along with this strangely deranged species know as a man, but we can actually help them reach their greatest potential and who God created them to be.
At the end of her book, Shaunti asked men what is the one thing they would want to tell their wives. Out of the seven things that men desire listed above, almost every answer was the same. I love her. Our men, more than anything else want us to know that they truly love us no matter what. Even if they don’t know how to express themselves to us or show their love, they truly do love us with all of their heart. So, ladies, let’s stop trying to change our men into who we think they should be and instead start understanding who they are and helping them become who they were meant to be. Let’s wake up and smell the cologne.
Like this post? I strongly recommend every woman read Shaunti Feldhahn’s book For Women Only.