Once upon a time, in a land that doesn’t exist, a young maiden finds herself locked in a far away tower, awaiting the arrival of her Prince Charming. The years roll by but this maiden never wavered in her faith of this unknown man of her dreams. The day finally arrives, as she looks out her balcony to see her rescuer. He storms the castle slays the dragon and takes her into his arm. After “loves true kiss”, the two ride off into the sunset, and live happily ever after….. The perfect love story (dreamy sigh)
Are you kidding me? This isn’t a love story. This is an insecure, needy girl being kidnapped by some creep who knows nothing about her other than her helpless state. Sure it makes a great bedtime story for children, unaware of the real world, but there has to be a point where we grow up. So many women are basing their standards for men and their desire for romance and marriage on Disney movies and chick-flicks. Let’s get real shall we? Snow White was a hobo taken in by seven slobby men; Cinderella was a spineless, self-promising slave; and Rapunzel was a hostage who flung herself at the first ruffian who broke into her tower. The only thing these young women have in common is their unwillingness to take control of their own lives and, their blind faith in any member of the male species.
Growing up in the “Christian, Homeschool” community, I have heard the “wait for the ONE” sermon my entire life. I like to call this notion, Disney Dating. Women such as Rebekah who waited for God to bring her the “ONE”, and Ruth who stayed with Naomi until the day Boaz chose her as his own, have been the biblical examples of how to go about pursuing a relationship with the opposite gender. “God has a special person for you”, “don’t go looking for yourself,” “have faith and be patient.”
I am now almost 20-years-old and during that time I have discovered a vital truth for all women….. God is NOT going to bring you a man! In fact, there is only one story in the entire Bible where God brings a woman to a man, and that was only because Adam and Eve had no other options. So sure, if the entire earth’s population consisted of only one guy and one girl, then by all means wait. But since there are a few more options today then there were back then, perhaps we should look to more relatable examples.
What about Rebekah though? Didn’t she wait for God to show her to Isaac? Absolutely not. Rebekah was a hard-working woman who was looking for the next opportunity for her to improve herself. Having the duty of caring for her father’s flock meant that this woman had shown herself capable and trustworthy in the agriculture field.
One day as she was working, a man came to her and asked for water. Now catch this. She didn’t run off and hide; she saw a need and she fixed it. In fact, she went above and beyond his request. After making sure that this man had enough to drink for himself, she turned and cared for his livestock. It says in Gen 24 that the servant wondered at her. Not in her beauty from afar off, but in her ability and eagerness to serve. Guess what, if Rebekah had been home waiting for her one true love to come instead of proving herself as a hard worker, she would have never been offered the opportunity to even meet Isaac. And get this; when all was said and done and the servant had decided that this maiden was indeed a woman worthy of his master, Rebecah was the one who chose to go and meet Issac. She was the one who called the shots. I know right, you don’t hear that in many Christian dating books.
What about Ruth though? I mean there is a woman who concerned herself completely with staying home and shutting out any desire to interact with men.
It is true that Ruth did choose to go with Naomi and gave up her community and family, but she did not by any means hide from the outside world. Once arriving in Bethlehem Ruth immediately found a job where she could provide for herself and Naomi. On top of that, when seeking a means of work, Ruth chose to go gather in the field of Boaz; catch this, so that she could find favor in his sight. She went to work for him so that she could meet him and hopefully catch his eye. Once she had accomplished this task, she went even a step further and actually revealed her desire for him. By uncovering his feet Ruth was, in fact, proposing to Boaz. Now there’s a girl who doesn’t wait around.
So to sum it up; Rebecah was a respected businesswoman who spent her days finding ways to help others and wasn’t afraid of hard work. Also, she made herself available so that she could prove herself through actions while also having a mind of her own and trusted her own judgment. Ruth found the means to provide for herself and Naomi while choosing to work in the field of an honorable man in hopes of gaining his attention. Then once this man’s character was revealed to her, she didn’t wait around but instead trusted her judgment and showed her desire for a relationship with him.
I don’t know about you but the message that I gather from these examples is that women should be dedicating more of their energy and time to providing for themselves and serving others then they should on waiting around for marriage and for their lives to finally begin. Also, when it comes to interactions with the opposite gender, women should be confident and put themselves in a place to showcase their hard work and abilities while also discovering the true character of a man.
I am about to state a belief that might just blow the socks of a few people but here it goes. I do not believe that there is one person out there for you. I believe that if you live a life where you are striving to become more like Christ and you surround yourself with others who are doing the same, then by all mean just choose someone. You have a race to run and if some guy happens to be running the same direction and can keep up with you then why not run together.
This is my heart’s desire and my plea to you. Stop putting your life on hold and stop expecting that some guy is going to one day save you. You are already saved by your One True Love, Jesus Christ, and He has a mission for you to fulfill. So get up off your sofa, turn off the Note Book, and make a difference. Become a woman that a man would actually want to have in his life. Or else you might just wind up with what you wish for; 7 slobby men, endless house cleaning, and really long, messy hair.
For more insight on this topic, I strongly recommend Mark Gungor and Jefferson Bethke teachings on dating.